Friday, February 11, 2011

whaa whaa whaa...

... that's my baby cry. I'm crying like a baby because I want another baby. I am so selfish. I should rejoice in Meghan and the fact that we were blessed with Meghan yet I cannot help wanting another newborn. :( This is ridiculous. Everyday Meghan graces us with some new action or expression and I find myself wrapped up in her simple joys. I love her to death. Yesterday she drank juice for the first time (does not like it cold), sat up on her own from laying on her tummy, and crawled! Yes, she crawled for the first time! And, I found myself crying in awe of how wonderful she is. I felt like a silly but I was truly moved.

I don't know where this baby fever is coming from. Could be the fact that Drew's cousin is due 2.15, a family friend is due 5.1.11, her sister late july and my sister 8.8.11 (which is her 24th birthday). Seems like everyone is pregnant and I just loved being pregnant. I loved knowing that I was growing our love and that one day she would be here with us forever. I loved the morning sickness (only nausea for me), I loved feeling her squirm around inside my belly. I loved her hiccups that made my whole belly jiggle. I loved it when she got bigger and my tummy got hard and felt like a pregnant belly instead of just a fat belly. I felt like I was doing a higher purpose than my (seemingly) small existence.

I'm trying not to let jealousy get the best of me, it is very hard. I am quick to be jealous and envious. I am not sure why. We weren't raised to be jealous and envious of what others had but at the same time I don't equate these feelings with 'bad behavior'. I know it is wrong to feel this way and so I do my best to not let it get the best of me. I try and rejoice in what God has granted me with. A loving husband, a perfect daughter and a happy home.

1 comment:

  1. OH, MY! I can so relate to this. I have always loved being pregnant and could never understand those who hate it so much they won't have any more children. People always say, You have how many children??? You must have easy pregnancies... which is the farthest thing from the truth. All but one of mine have been high risk and very trying and yet I loved every minute... so much so that near the end, even though I am looking forward to seeing our baby at last, I always end up getting teary at the idea of not being pregnant.

    I love having newborns around. I love cuddling during late night feedings, changing diapers, bathing, dressing... what's not to love. Can't understand women who hate having newborns in the house.

    As a matter of fact, I love every step along the way. I am even enjoying having my adult children now. I often find myself tearing up at the idea of not having children around anymore... and that is a long way down the road seeing as we have a three year old and one on the way.

    Nice post.


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