Monday, January 31, 2011

today was...

...a ho hum day. Lacie and Dylan didn't come until almost 11 am-not that I got to sleep in or anything, Meghan was still up for the day at 8am. I did get more sleep than 2 nights ago, but I fear not much more. I was still pretty zombie this morning. It's not yet 10pm yet and I intend to go to bed right after I post this.

For dinner tonight I made baked pork chops with roasted potatoes. It was actually the recipe off the back of the Shake n Bake box and it was yummy! Drew said the potatoes were -and I quote- "perfect", which is a compliment not often heard around here. He's a pretty picky eater and I thought I was bad. He will not eat most things like pot roast and everything made to be eaten served over noodles unless it is pasta and marinara sauce. Forget leftovers-he never eats them. Well, almost never. He did eat the pistachio pudding salad my Grandma Karen made yesterday. She also made a green salad and Lentil Skillet. Drew hates Lentil Skillet. I've only made it once in 3 1/2 years.

Dylan was really good today, no time outs and even left quite quickly. Usually, he's kicking and screaming as Lacie walks out the door and Dylan runs after with no boots or coat on because he refuses to put them on. But today he gave Meghan and I our kisses and hugs and put on his coat and boots. Told me Uncle Drew was sleeping so he couldn't give him a kiss and hug and walked out the door with Lacie. For awhile I thought his problems when leaving at night were because it was a new schedule for him and when Kait watches him she drives him to Lacie's house so he goes to sleep in his own bed and Lacie is there when he gets up in the morning. Now I'm not sure what it is. In any case, it was a small blessing for us as I was trying to make dinner while Meghan was crying for a feeding/nap. Time for bed for this exhausted momma.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

is this gas...

...or what? I don't know, I can't tell. It feels like the flutterings of a little baby, but I don't have any other symptoms. Plus I took a test on Christmas Eve and it was negative so I would only be about 4 weeks and it is way too early to be feeling anything. That sort of leads into this.

Drew and I are not trying to conceive (as in not counting days or figuring out when I'm ovulating, etc) but we are also not preventing. In any way. I took the birth control pill from my 6 week postpartum appointment for the 1 month and then couldn't renew my prescription due to Medicaid issues (that's a whole nother post to deal with). So we just decided to go with the flow and let whatever happens happen.

I've decided that I never want to be on birth control again. I hate the way I feel when I'm on it. I imagine it's how someone with mental issues feels when they're on their 'medication'. It's like I'm not myself. I say and do things that I know are not me. And I have no control over how I act or react and I cannot stand it. In addition to the hormonal issues, I get these light brown spots on my chest that change shape and move around my skin. (yeah, you read that right. they move!) If that's not freaky I don't know what is.

And you may say, how can you do that? You'll end up with 20 kids! There are other birth control options! I know that I can do whatever God feels is right for me to handle and I know he wouldn't provide us with something that we couldn't handle. I know I won't end up with 20 kids because Meghan came via c-section and I will likely have to have another at some point down the road, although I'd like to avoid it. Other birth control methods are just as hormonal (the ring or shot) or inserted physically (an IUD) and I am not doing any more hormone and the thought of a plastic or copper IUD inside my body that wasn't meant to be there is enough to turn my stomach.

So, I will trust in God and his plan for us and hope for the best. I know I have nothing to worry about if I keep the faith.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

no clever...

...title today. Today started out ok and has just gotten worse and worse as the day goes on. I found out this morning that my Dad had his dog, Spanky, put down on Thursday. Spanky had been battling a tumor in his colon for over a year. My sister told me he had gotten to the point where he was in quite a bit of pain and couldn't sit down due to the tumor. I know my Dad did what was right and didn't want him to suffer anymore, but Spanky was like the brother I never had. No one had ever seen a dog as smart and obedient as him. He could do so many tricks and listened to every word/command you said to him-it was like he could understand what you were saying. No other dog ever came close. Spanky was with us for over 10 years. My Dad has lost his only companion in life.

On top of that, my Great-Aunt Lynne posted on Facebook (of all places) the my paternal grandmother, Helen, was admitted to Hospice last night. My Grandma Helen has been sick for quite some time. It started about 3 years ago, my Dad, sister Kait and I drove (yes, drove) from New York to Florida for vacation at the end of January '08 and my Grandma could no longer walk with us in the theme parks. She had to have one of those motorized scooters because she was having trouble breathing. She also was on oxygen all night. The summer of 2008, my Grandpa and Grandma came up for their yearly visit to New York (they spent about 4-6 weeks here every summer since they moved to Florida full time) and she was on oxygen some of the time during the day and all night. Two summers ago was her last visit to New York. She was carrying a tank with her all the time. She would get out of breath whenever she got excited or talked to much. I cannot imagine what it must have been like at that point-to not be able to express yourself as needed.

My Grandma has emphysema, not due to 30 years of smoking like one would think. But, due to her psoriasis, which she has had since her teens. Apparently psoriasis messes with one's immune system and forms scar tissue on the lungs. Slowly killing one by gradually restricting the lungs so that they cannot function anymore.

I got married this past May and gave birth in July and I know my Grandma wished so much that she could've been here. I hope she doesn't think that I felt shortchanged in any way. (My older sister, Lacie, gave birth in June of '08 and my Grandparents were at the hospital for the birth) And I don't have any regrets or blame on them. I know they would've been here to support me if they were able. My Grandmother called me the day of the wedding to wish me luck and to apologize that they weren't able to be here and that I didn't have a lot of family from my side represented at the wedding. (Drew is the oldest of 12 and has about 50 cousins, but we dated for 9 years before we got married, so I feel like I am a part of their family anyways)

So after Meghan was born, My Dad and I flew to Florida in November so that my grandparents could meet Meghan. My Dad, Lacie and Dylan had been making regular trips to Florida to visit my Grandma, but I hadn't seen her in over a year. My Grandma was just so excited to see Meghan and get to meet her, I'm glad we were able to see her one last time. It bothers me that my kids won't know their Great Grandma but God has a plan and I can do nothing to change it. His will is the way.

The point of all this was that I got a double dose of bad news within 12 hours. So it was a sucky day. I had Drew make me a brownie sundae that was delicious. Tomorrow we are going to visit my other Grandparents (Grandma Helen and Grandpa Dick are my Dad's mom and step-dad, Grandpa Ed and Grandma Karen are my Dad's dad and step-mom). They live on the other side of the big city, about 20 minutes away. We haven't seen them since Christmas, so that will be nice to visit and hopefully bring my spirits up.

Friday, January 28, 2011

another day...

...another dollar. Hmm. Kind of. I "get" to watch my nephew 4 days a week while my older sister, Lacie, works about 5 minutes away at an ears/nose/throat doctor office. It's the job she's been looking for for a long time. Before that she worked a couple of senior citizen homes taking care of the old folks, but it's not nearly as nice as a doctor's office. At the doctor's office, she only has to work either Monday-Thursday or Tuesday-Friday and only during the day, usually 830am to 430pm. At the old folks home, she would have weekend shifts and usually 2nd shift, so about 3-11pm. She still does one weekend day a week. Good money for her!

At any rate, she pays me $25 a day. The little extra is nice for us, always seems to be a blessing at the end of the week. Today was just a lounge around type of day for us. Drew doesn't usually work on Fridays unless it's overtime so he's been enjoying Dylan as well! We're all out of milk, juice and almost out of eggs, so hopefully Drew will go to the store for me because I don't really want to. I'll probably end up going anyways. Once Meghan wakes up from her 2nd nap of the day. Lucky duck.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


...productive today. For once! And I didn't even work out today. Instead I did a lot of dishes. No, really. A lot. They were piled up on the counters! And I thoroughly swept the kitchen floor since it had been awhile since it had been done. I was tempted to Wet Swiffer it but I'm not satisfied with the results and I know I'm just going to have to get on my hands and knees to scrub the floor. So might as well leave it until the 5 cent returns go back and the cardboard is recycled. Speaking of...

Some of you mommas may have a clothes monster that inhabits some patch of space in your home, but it has nothing on the cardboard monster that occupies my kitchen corners. Seriously, the cardboard boxes our entertainment center came in is still propped up in the corner and we bought the center before Meghan was born. (she's 6 months old!) In the opposite corner of the kitchen is the real cardboard monster where it just piles up onto itself until we can longer get to Meghan's high chair comfortably and I nag Drew into taking care of it.

I also took out 2 very full bags of garbage and 2 Aldi's bags of recyclables. I definitely count all this as my exercise for the day because the garbage/recyclable dumpsters are outside and we're on the 2nd floor. Plus it took me a solid 30-45 minutes to get all the dishes done if not longer.

In addition to all that, I made 16 Bean soup and Cheesy Corn Casserole for dinner. (Eventually I'll post recipes for all the food I make, but not tonight) Yum-O as Rachael Ray would say. She can grate on my nerves, but her food is so yummy, all the time! I can't help but get pulled into her 30 Minute Meals show. That's it for tonight!