dum de dum...

...it's been a minute, hasn't it? Been waaaay too long, in my opinion.

I have been the busiest bee on the planet.

In the history of the world.

Ugh.

I do not like working. Or rather, I do not like leaving Meghan. She is so broken hearted in the morning, if she's awake when I leave. Screaming and crying, my poor baby. I hate that part. And, if I've had a rough day (or even an awesome day), she is always super excited to see me come through the door at the end of the day.

"MOMMY! Mommy's home! Mommy's home, Daddy! Mommy!"

I love that part.

I actually like working at a credit union. It's a lot of fun and I like the people I work with, which is awesome. Plus, I have tomorrow off because it's Columbus Day. Bonus!

Drew' younger brothers, Luke (19) and Jake (16) have stayed the weekend with us and we have had a lot of fun! Today we did Epic Meal Time! (see youtube for reference) We made a bacon weave coffin with a corpse made of meats laying in it. Covered in onion rings and sweet potatoe fries for good measure. Drew made a homemade barbeque sauce for blood around the "neck" area of our corpse. We made his arms and legs from sausages and a torso of meatloaf stuffed with chili sauce and shredded cheddar completed his body!

Then we ate it.

Hahaha, we had so much fun! The boys have been playing video games and watching funny youtube videos all weekend. But, tomorrow they have to go back home. :( It was nice to have a bunch of family over for a bit, it can get too quiet with just the 3 of us here in this big house.

In the land of babies, I am still not pregnant. Still having weird, random spotting in between periods. Alex (Drew's brother Pat's wife) is still pregnant. And, as her belly grows, my heart seems to ache more and more. I am envious of her, because she is growing this amazing thing, this life inside of her and my belly is still empty. I think it's made worse by the fact that she hates being pregnant. Hates it. How is that even possible? I find it inconceivable (no pun intended) that someone would hate being pregnant, because I loved it! I loved every minute of it and I miss it so much.

Sigh. Off to bed for me.

happy...

...Saturday! Do you ever think to yourself, "Gee, this weekend is practically empty...I'll just laze the days away..." and then you realize you actually have a ridiculous weekend? Welcome to my life.

Meghan's been waking up when she wets her diaper at night. I am both delighted and perplexed by this. She been peeing (and occasionally pooing) in the potty for a couple of weeks and hasn't had an accident on the floor is over a week. I know she can hold it if she needs to, I just don't know why she doesn't hold it all night. She does drink a lot of liquids and still nurses 3-5 times a day. Today we went and picked out some big girl undies at Walmart. She was pretty excited until we got home and she had them on awhile and then kept wanting to take them off. Up until now she's been bottomless under her dresses so going potty is easy. She only had the undies on for a few hours but no accidents!

I'm not complaining, I hate diaper laundry as much as the next momma. Unfortunately, she usually poos while sleeping and doesn't wake up and so her rash has been flaring up. Not to mention, she's now working on her bottom vampire teeth (I don't know why I haven't looked that up yet.) That reminds me, I need to fill in her baby book...

Since our exciting plans fell through, I can now tell you and the rest of the world our former exciting news. Not baby related, sorry to burst your bubble ;)

I wrote last week (a few weeks ago?) about going to my mother's for spaghetti dinner (I had green beans instead of pasta) and we were supposed to go somewhere, but my mom was really sick with whatever has been going around so we didn't go. All caught up? We were supposed to go look at a house! (!!!) I know!

It all started when my older sister, Lacie, noticed that a house up the street from her was for sale and it happened to be my great-grandpa's old house and she was all excited and nagging me to get a hold of our mother who is goods friends with the real estate agent, Dean. Now, I firmly believe that Dean is a shady guy, but he's very good friends with my mom and her husband, Jim. Dean would also offer to hold the mortgage for us as we are in no position to get one. But, that would mean Dean could charge whatever he wanted in interest, my mom was thinking around 13%! (the current national average is 3.something%)

Drew and I both really hate our apartment (except for the fact that rmy sister in law lives in our complex!) and are definitely moving in April because our lease is up then. So, if we were able to get into a house, especially in/near our home town, that would've been awesome. But I was speaking to my mother yesterday and we agreed that we are in no financial situation to be buying a house that will just get foreclosed anyway. Our future is so uncertain right now, as Drew is getting laid off in a couple weeks.

That's another stresser that's been haunting me. We are about to lose our only income. Drew will qualify for unemployment and Lacie will still be paying me for babysitting Dylan. It is just so scary. There aren't many prospects either. Drew and I talked about me going back to work, but I don't see that happening. And I don't see Drew handling having to watch the kids during the week.

At any rate. Super stressful here. In completely unrelated/baby news, still not pregnant. I think. WARNING. ICK FACTOR AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.


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I've been charting my bbt (basal body temperature-your body's base temperature when you wake up in the morning before getting out of bed, peeing, brushing your teeth, etc.) since the end of December. I take my temp orally with a special digital thermometer that goes to hundreths of a degree. You can also take your temperature vaginally or rectally. But really, orally is just fine with me ;) I definitely saw a shift in my temps this month and I 99% know I ovulated on the 29th and I've been checking my cervical fluid. ick. Which seemed more plentiful this month than previously. ick. But that's a good thing for us, because we are in the baby-making business!

In other words, I might have some news around the 10th. I really want
refuse to take a test before then. ;)

I'm off to finish my Super Bowl cookies for the party tomorrow, I get to see Pat (bro-in-law) and Alex's house (his lovely wife) for the first time! Super excited, they moved in last spring!

hmmm...

...took a little break there, sorry mates! :) It was totally unintentional. I kept saying to myself, "I could be blogging about this (insert event)" or "I could be blogging RIGHT NOW" ... and then I didn't. :/ I use a lot of emoticons, I hope that doesn't bother anyone (if so, there's the virtual door :P) I use them, because how else would you know what I'm emoting?!

No news yet on the ttc front. AF is due around September 8th, coincidently, we'll be camping in the wilderness, so I'll let you know when we get back if there is any exciting news! I doubt it, as I am not having any symptoms like I did with Meghan.

Onto this camping business. I love camping, I really do. Two summers ago, hubby and I went with his brother and 2 sisters and their significant others. It was interesting to say the least. We went for 4 days, it rained 2 days and every night while we were there! So, there was a lot less craziness, although there was a fair amount of it. I don't want to go into details, but by the end, we were so grateful to get out of each others' hair!

Last year we didn't go camping as I was enormously pregnant with Meg and I would have been up to it, maybe earlier in the Spring, but Drew and I moved into our own apartment and got married within 2 weeks, so we really just took the rest of the time to settle in and set up shop for baby.

We will be gone from the 7th to the 11th. We are going camping in the Adironacks. When I said 'wilderness', I meant it! Short of wandering aimlessly, I don't think there could be a more remote way to camp. Literally, you sign in on a sheet of paper with your info, place your marker in the occuppied column and make your way to your site. It's first come-first served. There are Park Rangers around if needed. There is a store, gas station, boat rentals, etc.

At any rate, we are taking our first family vacation! And I am stoked! (can you tell?!) I don't know how Meg's going to do in the wilderness. I think we're taking an inflatable mattress, or we are sleeping on the ground. She did okay when we spent the night at the homestead (in laws) but that was just one night and in their back yard. And by okay, I mean she woke up a couple times and I had to nurse her back to sleep. Here at home, she sleeps in her crib, so she almost always settles back to sleep on her own and at least I would know she wouldn't be fooling around in the tent in the event she woke up. She also wouldn't be rolling off the air mattress! Obviously we can't take her crib with us...I'll probably just wing it like I usually do! :)

Back to babies, Drew has 2 cousins that are sisters and they are both pregnant and due in January! Very exciting in and of itself (almost as exciting 2 years ago when his 3 cousins were expecting within a month of each other!) Then we got the news that 1 of his currently pregnant cousins is expecting twins!! So excited and surprised! Multiples don't run in his family, even with all the large sized families. (10+ children per family) Around this same time, we learned that his Aunt, who was expecting her 17th (22nd pregnancy) lost her little one at about 10 weeks. The baby was still there, but no heartbeat. I am so saddened by this news, I admit I did cry. His aunt yearns to have another newborn and I know it would have brought her much happiness. My heart goes out to her and her family (all the children knew about the baby, her youngest is 3) I did not write anything on her blog as I did not know what to say. I haven't yet felt that loss, and hope I never have to. It is all in God's plan and He knows what is best for us.

I hate to end on a sad note, but perhaps I shall come back from camping with good news!

rant...

...maybe. I wanted to list all the things that I think went wrong with Kait's labor and delivery and share all the wonderful comments my family made to me about her birth, like I had the power to change it afterwards. (sarcasm) But, I have decided to just let it all go as there is nothing I can change, and God made her birth happen the way it did for a reason. He wanted her to experience it that way, just like he put me through the trial of Meghan's birth. I know that her labor and delivery was arduous and so hard and resulted in a c-section for a reason.

I believe it was because I had this idealized plan of how everything would go perfectly and there would be no complications or bumps in the road. God sent me that curve ball for trying to plan out what couldn't be planned and what I should've left up to him in the first place.

One of these days I'll write about what I'd like my next birth to be like...ahhh, a girl can dream, huh? :)

Speaking of, and quite nicely timed, my last post before Kait's birth story was Thursday, August 11th. I had written about how Freddy had arrived and a friend of mine was still nursing her 2 1/2 year old and her period had returned at 18 months post partum, remember? I was musing about how I'd have to wait another 5+ months before the thought of ovulation and conception could even be considered seriously.

Well, lo and behold, I didn't have to wait 5+ months! I literally published that post, shut off the lights, tv, etc to get the apartment ready for nighttime and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed...and Aunt Flow was there! Hahaha. I was so surprised and delighted! I am so stoked and I wanted to call Drew up right then, but decided to wait because I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal to him. When I told him about it the next day, he said, "Well, now we can have another baby." I am so thankful that he feels the same way and I think he even got a little excited that a baby is now a definite possibility. :)

I am not so surprised that AF showed up, I had been having serious cramps the week before, but shrugged it off as indigestion. I don't know how much you all need/want to know, but since I'll be sharing any future conceptions/pregnancies/births as they come, you might as well know ;) I had a regular period, lasting 6 days (which is normal for me) It was quite heavy and painful which I was not accustomed to as I had been on birth control for the past ... almost 10 years! Yikes! I can say that I feel phenomenal having let my body do it's natural thing and I think that the mood swings I used to experience while on birth control are non-existent. (I'm sure Drew would argue that point ;) )

So, now that we know I am/should be ovulating fairly regularly, we're going to go with the flow. I don't want to stress myself too much and jinx anything. I definitely want to wait awhile to see if 'it' will just happen before I go charting basal temperatures and counting days. I certainly wasn't doing any of that last time, so maybe it will just be a nice surprise for my birthday next month... :D

a new...

...arrival! My sister had her baby on Tuesday morning! It has been so crazy since Monday night, I haven't had a chance to do a thing except sleep and eat! :) I'd like to write out her birth story from my point of view (and post it, obviously) but I know I won't get to it tonight because it is late and I am tired! I'll probably write it bit by bit over the next couple of days and maybe I'll get to posting it this weekend...sometime!

On a semi-related note, it seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or just had a baby! My sister, 2 girls that are sisters and daughters of a woman my Dad used to date when we were younger had babies in May and July (the 2nd on my Dad's birthday!), my 2nd cousin's girlfriend's baby shower is on Saturday (she's due in September), a girl I grew up with was at the same hospital as my sister at the same time, a handful of blogs I follow happen to have currently pregnant mommas as well as a close relative on hubby's side just found out she was pregnant with her 17th baby!

All of this is such joyful news, but at the same time, I am sad. When I held baby Freddy for the first time and smelled his new baby smell and snuggled his soft, cute, little baby body...I got that overwhelming urge to snuggle my own newborn babe. (not that I don't have that urge constantly...) I know the next baby will come at the right time and I have no control over when or if that will be. (though I pray sooner rather than later!) A college friend of mine told me she didn't get her period back until her lo was 18 months...so hopefully I only have to wait 5 odd months! :)

At any rate, it's been a lovely week and I will post details about the last couple of days soon!

whaa whaa whaa...

... that's my baby cry. I'm crying like a baby because I want another baby. I am so selfish. I should rejoice in Meghan and the fact that we were blessed with Meghan yet I cannot help wanting another newborn. :( This is ridiculous. Everyday Meghan graces us with some new action or expression and I find myself wrapped up in her simple joys. I love her to death. Yesterday she drank juice for the first time (does not like it cold), sat up on her own from laying on her tummy, and crawled! Yes, she crawled for the first time! And, I found myself crying in awe of how wonderful she is. I felt like a silly but I was truly moved.

I don't know where this baby fever is coming from. Could be the fact that Drew's cousin is due 2.15, a family friend is due 5.1.11, her sister late july and my sister 8.8.11 (which is her 24th birthday). Seems like everyone is pregnant and I just loved being pregnant. I loved knowing that I was growing our love and that one day she would be here with us forever. I loved the morning sickness (only nausea for me), I loved feeling her squirm around inside my belly. I loved her hiccups that made my whole belly jiggle. I loved it when she got bigger and my tummy got hard and felt like a pregnant belly instead of just a fat belly. I felt like I was doing a higher purpose than my (seemingly) small existence.

I'm trying not to let jealousy get the best of me, it is very hard. I am quick to be jealous and envious. I am not sure why. We weren't raised to be jealous and envious of what others had but at the same time I don't equate these feelings with 'bad behavior'. I know it is wrong to feel this way and so I do my best to not let it get the best of me. I try and rejoice in what God has granted me with. A loving husband, a perfect daughter and a happy home.