Shouldas

Should be...

Cleaning. 

Crocheting Emmitt's Christmas presents. 

Washing dishes. 

Making lists. 

Snuggling with my little bug. 

Not catching up on my aunt-in-law's blog. 

Not watching girlie movies. 

Not blogging. 

Thankful for...

My loving husband. 

My cuddly little bug. 

Warm blankets. 

Hot cocoa. 

Blogs to read. 

Facebook messages from Alex and Pat-just to say they are thinking of us this month when they know it will be hard on us. 

I am so thankful for her. That she remembered. No one else has. How can no one notice? I want to scream, "Can't you see?? I am broken. I am missing my son! Does no one see that I am incomplete?" 

I need a rainbow. 

Another recipe fail.

This time it's facebook's fault! Haha. I saw a picture of pancake cups. Where supposedly you could bake pancake mix in a muffin tin for 15 minutes at 400 degrees and they would come out with craters in the middle for filling. The picture sure looked delicious! Too bad they came out like pancake muffins! :)

Sometimes things just don't work out! Oh well, they still tasted good with blueberry topping and syrup. 

What a crazy crazy week. Yes, double crazy. We had Monday off for the Veterans Day holiday which was nice to get a three day weekend, but it seems like the rest of the week was dragging along. 

With the time change and the full moon, all the crazy members come out to the branch to do their financial business. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Hahaha, my coworkers and I like to joke that the full moon week is the worst because everyone wants ridiculous things. It's kind of hard to find an example that translates well, especially through the computer screen. 

One kid, probably 18 or so, gave a coworker a coin slip (we have a coin sorter like a CoinStar machine) and a paycheck. He said he wanted to take $25 from one and $40 from the other to pay towards his credit card and then take some cash back from both and then he rest go into his savings. 

What? That makes no sense! Silly!

It was like no one could articulate what they wanted to do. Sometimes I ask people how they want their cash back, and I get a blank stare in return and then an "I don't know."

Well, I don't know either, so let's just put it in my account, ok? Wouldn't that be lovely? :)

Things are going very well at work, I can't remember if I shared, but I moved to a small public branch in a town close by. Only takes 15 minutes to get to work, at most. Opposed to the 45 it was before when I was working downtown in the big city in a private building. That was a small branch just for the employees of the company where there was no access for the public.

I very much like working at the new branch. I get along really well with all my coworkers, we happen to have an all female branch which is uncommon because most branches have at least one guy. There was a male lender when I transferred there in February but he moved to mortgages and now we have a female lender. Our branch manager is a girl I used to be friends with in high school. We have 2 older ladies, one is a teller, the other is a member services rep. The rest of us are under 30, but we all get along well. 

I hate getting home after dark and it's only 5:30. Ugh. I am already tired, I do not want to be reminded that I need to do the dishes or laundry when there's no light. To make it worse, this house has the worst possible lighting. No room is ever bright enough for me. I feel like I can't see anything! Makes for some interesting "clean" dishes sometimes! 

Enough with the boring details, we're off to my Dad's house for smoked turkey and ribs! Yum! 

Sunday fun day!

Meghan had her first real sleepover last night. Dylan and Kaylee came over. Kaylee is the daughter of Lacie's boyfriend. Everything went really well, they played upstairs in the play room, are dinner together, watched Despicable Me and had popcorn for a snack. That is, until it came to be bedtime. 

Dylan had already fallen asleep on the couch. So I got the 2 girls settled in on the air mattress in the playroom. (The playroom is the first room at the top of the stairs) Then I went down and woke Dylan up to use the bathroom and walked him upstairs and tucked him in. 

But then Meg wouldn't settle down. (Surprise) She was opening and closing the door to the stairs, talking, and doing who knows what else. Then there was crying from Dylan because Meg kept shutting the door. So I took Meg downstairs and told her she'd have to sleep with me if she couldn't be good and quiet. 

Of course that set her off, but I calmed her down and took her back upstairs. When we got up there, Dylan told me that Kaylee was crying because she was scared. (Kaylee had never slept over all night somewhere else, but Dylan sleeps some nights at my Dads)

I brought everybody downstairs and said I'd call or text Lacie to come pick up Dylan and Kaylee. Poor Meg was devastated and wailing, "I don't want them to gooooo. I want them to stayyyyyy." And I tried to explain that we can't make people stay when they don't want to. But she wasn't really buying it. 

Lacie wasn't responding to my texts so I called her, she and Paul (the boyfriend) were out to dinner and she said to tell them to calm down and they'd be out to pick them up later. 

I tucked all 3 kids into my bed and turned on the Tigger movie. They were all asleep before the end of the movie! Hurray!

So we sort of had a sleepover. :)

Uplifted

It's true. I am feeling uplifted. Ever since my ObGyn appointment last Thursday. It was for a regular annual exam but we talked at length about how long we've been trying to conceive. About the miscarriage last year. About vbac and repeat cesareans. 

In total, we've been trying to conceive since August of 2011. Over two years and I've only been pregnant once. 

The midwife I met with, Meghan (coincidently) was very knowledgeable and really put me at ease. My office doesn't do vbac because the hospital they deliver at is in the little city and they are the only office that delivers at that hospital. 

But things could change. Maybe by the time we're pregnant with #3, they'll have changed their backwards views and get with the program. The hospital in the little city has an operating room and anesthesiologist on staff, but they don't have a nicu. Which is why I believe they don't do vbac. But a nicu shouldn't be necessary if the pregnancy and mom are healthy. At any rate. 

I am determined and hopeful to vbac. Complications only rise with each repeat cesarean. And I am not about to go scheduling a repeat at 39 weeks (the office's policy) when due dates are just guesses. Especially since my cycle length  has been wacky. Varying between 28-32 days. 

But! The best news was at the end if the appointment. Meghan said to keep using the fertility friend app (love it!) to keep track of my temps and and keep trying for a babe and if we are still not pregnant after the 1st of the year then we should for an appointment with the doctor to run tests and start looking at preconception techniques to help us. Like hormones and things like that. 

I would really love to conceive without the help of hormones. But if that's what it takes. We clearly cannot do this on our own. 

In addition, I have got to start exercising regularly and eating right. I'm doing nothing but hurting our chances by sitting around and being lazy about what I'm eating. 

Even if we weren't trying to get pregnant, carrying around this extra 100 pounds is wreaking havoc on my body. 

I only wish I had gone to the doctor sooner. 

Halloween updates and pictures tomorrow, I hope!